More emo whining, yay! I am not dead, I am just rather miserable and here's why:

1. Extreme insomnia and its accumulated effects; most of my other problems are linked to this. I have not had a good night's sleep since early April. My sleep deprivation is so severe that I hallucinate mildly (auditory AND visual) nearly constantly - starting at least 3 weeks ago. Normally, I am an unusually NON-paranoid person, but I find myself highly paranoid and simply fearful much of the time. I know that it's the lack of sleep, so I can treat it objectively & dismiss it, but it's still extremely freaky.

2. My pain back pain level continues to be extremely high and difficult (or outright impossible) to control. Of course this relates very much to the above; I can't sleep because my back hurts so much, but the lack of sleep fucks my back up even more, creating a vicious cycle that has snowballed over time.

3. I have to sue my mother to regain money I loaned her that she refuses to pay me. In my current state of overall impairment, it's sent my stress levels through the roof.

4. I have chronic minor injuries or pains of various sorts related to my walking/running, probably from lack of sleep, and due to compensating for the persistent plantar fascitis. I did just get new sneakers which should buffer these issues.

5. JUDDDD really does not like my lack of sleep, and my hunger levels are MUCH higher as a result, which is slowing my weight loss progress and on a few occasions, I've completely fallen off the wagon for a day or three.

6. I'm not how this may relate to 1/2/3,but for 2 weeks now, or longer possibly but that's when I first noticed, I've had constant partial numbness on parts of my left side, which scares the fuck out of me because I had similar (though much more dramatic) symptoms when I nearly stroked on hormonal birth control several years ago. Add in a strong familial (maternal side) history of stroking for extra terror!


The silver linings:

1. I LOVE these new sneakers. I haven't loved a pair of running shoes as much in years!

2. Exercise is the biggest thing holding me together right now, and that's still going pretty well, though I often cannot do as much as I like due to pain/sleep issues. But I am being quite consistent, and my legs are nearly all muscle at this point. I've improved significantly in my yoga, and my abs are stronger from pilates. I feel stronger and more fit than I have in years.

3. I am so thankful for my roommate (and, especially, that he fixed my evil printer) and good perfume; I would be even worse off without these supportive elements. I love all those of you I've been talking to lately as well, of course - and anyone who bothers to read this. Thank you for caring, even a little. <3

4. Many things amuse me greatly every day. Thank God for humour! This sampling of Craigslist FAIL was the highlight of my week.

Sometimes I really hate the pressure of a subject line or title. Okay, nearly always.

Update on the puppies: about 18 hours later, they both found a *permanent* home with a couple who had been looking for some puppies and have rescue experience. They seemed very loving and happy! The puppies made it through the night just fine, with lots of regular eating and shitting and peeing and hot-water changes.

Update on me: Friday night I did this insane Ashtanga video (Lino Miele) for nearly an hour, and it kicked my ass (and every other body part). If you are familiar with yoga, I did constant, quickly paced full vinyasas. That night and last night I walked my 9-mile route, too, though probably I shouldn't have last night, because I started really hurting 1/3 of the way in. Last night I slept for nearly 7 hours (!!!) and today I am in more overall pain than I have felt...ever. Every muscle in my body aches. I can't walk normally. Every motion hurts. My abs hurt, my pecs hurt, my arms hurt, my legs hurt - the muscles over my left ribs (on my weaker side) feel like they are torn, muscles I didn't know existed throb.

( More exercise/diet discussion, skip if this stuff bothers you. )

I'm finally caught up on Gossip Girl! I'm not sure how that show maintains the drama level without becoming cheesy or trite - but it works so well, even though it hurts so bad. And OMG, Twilight references! Almost as great as when they played Taylor Lautner's Apologize. Almost.

One was on the road and then the other about 6 feet away in the grass on the shoulder. They are small enough to hold in one hand, blind, and black (female) & brown (male) respectively with large white spots, floppy ears and snub noses/big heads - not really any snouts, if that's the word. Their umbilical stubs are still bloody, though they do not appear very fresh. I woke up my landlord to ask him what to (and felt terrible!), and he said to take them to the shelter in the morning -but I was most afraid of them surviving the night, however. I took the best pictures I could, holding them in one hand because they're so wriggly.

-a couple hours later-

I received many helpful tips from CL people and spoke to an especially helpful woman on the phone at length (thank you Julie!) who can take them in morning. They are now asleep on top of a wrapped hot water bottle and covered with another blanket - it's also really warm in my house, high 70s. I got them to each drink about 8 medicine-dropperfuls of half water/half whole milk sweetened with sugar, heated like baby formula - so I think they will get through the night. *fingers crossed*

I'll keep feeding them as often as they'll take it and wiping them with a wet cloth, changing the water, etc. I really think they will make it. I am also nearly 100% positive they are pitbulls from looking at pictures online, and knowing the pitbull of a family friend. I will take them to the rescue worker in the morning unless someone can home them permanently and would like them.

Still, so incredibly sad and disturbing. Please keep them in your thoughts tonight, if you're reading this. :(

In addition to the extreme JUDDDD, for over a week now I've been walking 5-9 miles a day, virtually every day. At this point I should only have to take off one day a week, as I did when I ran heavily. Annoyingly, walking these distances as opposed to running them takes up quite a bit of time, so I haven't been reading much for pleasure and I'm severely behind on my TV shows.

Also, a couple days ago I started doing yoga, along with a DVD specifically for scoliosis that targets my weaknesses and curves. Today I'm really feeling the walking and yoga, with all my limbs and torso aching. I plan to start doing pilates and some ashtanga yoga (my favourite type!) soon, too, when my body can take it. I feel sore, but wonderful. I still have quite a ways to go in terms of my ultimate body/fitness goals, but I feel firmly on the right track.

My diet's been mostly vegetables, fruit, and whole grains with a bit of cheese, nuts, eggs and whey protein thrown in. I don't miss wine really at all, amazingly, though I'll be drinking some in two weeks, and I may stop by this awesome local wine store that has an enomatic (automatic wine tasting machine) and treat myself, this weekend - also, to try all the wines before they rotate them.

I'm behind on gardening, mostly because there's virtually no open sun surrounding my house - I'm in deep woods, heavily shaded. It actually became darker in my house recently due to the leaves emerging in full. Over a month ago I planted herbs from seed, and they are still barely visible as seedlings - whereas some dill I planted from seed 2 weeks after everything else is growing well. I think maybe it's the seeds? They are a few years old, but I'm still surprised.

In my front flower bed things are growing, but not yet blooming, despite the shade: hyacinth, sweet pea, tuberose (I think?), and gladiolus - the latter are doing EXTREMELY well and have shot up like crazy in very short time, so I expect they will bloom first. I got a geranium (hot pink!) pot to hang on my porch/steps/overhang, and I want another matching one. I spoke to someone who picked up some used furniture about shade-loving (or at least tolerating) plants, so that is something I may pursue as well.

ETA: Recently, TWO companies (woot! & BPTP) have accidentally sent me too-large shirts, both mislabeled as smalls! They arrived on the same day, even. *gnashes teeth* Thank god for good customer service, but still - frustrating.

Since I am overdue for a public post - as it is, I toy with completely locking my journal, but I'm not there yet - and I took the time to express the following thoughts, I thought I'd repost them here. This is a subject I have wanted to discuss before - it's long been on my running mental list - but haven't gotten around to yet. I belong to a discussion group on GoodReads which focuses on Paranormal Romance (yes, laugh at me, it's a very trashy genre). Another user posed this question, and I found myself answering in length:

I've thought about this issue a great deal, and I think that fictional representations of relationships are hugely damaging for the most part. I truly mean romance in all contexts, from blockbuster movies to much of classic literature, typical 'romance novels' included. So I don't think that reading romance novels specifically has affected my opinions of romance, but I do think that media in general has.

Obviously there are exceptions and I do think there are many examples of very realistic romance, but I find these to be the minority, and I think that they impress less than the more 'epic'/perfect stories.

In particular the idea of soulmates and how heavily media pimps that concept bother me. Along with other rare (or possibly nonexistent) phenomena like love at first sight and perfect compatibility. I feel that media far too often portrays couples who enjoy all of these - EVEN if various obstacles occur.

I didn't read romance novels as a child, but I read a great deal generally. And I would often fantasise about being whisked away by a prince on a white horse (yes, I had very cliché fantasies) to some magical cottage or castle where we would make exquisite love for hours while fireworks exploded overhead from our passion. This is obviously not very likely ever going to occur, not least because there are few princes (and they don't date down, or ride horseback much), and while I've felt damn good from sex before, the fireworks thing is a bit much.

I would say that 'classic' chick lit - Jane Austen et al - falls into this false-hope generating category as much as the Authurian legends I read so much of, or romance novels, or even your typical romantic comedy. There *was* a bit of a rude awakening when I began to experience actual romance and intimacy and I discovered that reality did not compare to fantasy, and while I do in part blame my own imaginative and idealistic tendencies, I still resent media for reinforcing and encouraging them.

I'm not sure if I believe in soul mates - I won't lie, in my heart of hearts I am absolutely a hopeless romantic, despite my professed cynicism - but I think that expecting something of that magnitude is unwise and unhealthy. I think it leads many people to not be happy with what they have and to feel that there is always someone 'better out there'. Any type of serious relationship in *my* experience has involved settling, compromise, work & effort, and while better relationships involve LESS of these, I can not realistically imagine a relationship free of those aspects.

One last note - the depiction of men as more libidinous than women in most media absolutely infuriates me, especially as I have not found this to be the case in my own or my friends' experiences. Libido is not a sex/gender trait; it is a personality trait.

When it came time to do my taxes (note: YAY for free federal efiling!), I was missing one of my tax forms, which according to the payer had been sent to my old address in Massachusetts. So I called the place up (large investment firm) and requested that they send a copy here to my new address.

Two weeks after I called them, I received an entirely worthless letter informing me that the address on file for me had changed! But I never received that actual tax document I requested. This so epitomises wasteful, pointless bureaucratic tree-killing that I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe both.

It was printed on two sides with legal fine type, so I can't even use it for notes. *aimlessly shreds HIPAA printouts*

Also: did you know the state of MA penalises you financially for not having health insurance? Yes, you have to pay extra tax if you make over a certain amount and are not insured. I don't even know what that is, evil pseudo-Communism? Or just typical Taxachusetts?

I learned to make an excellent version at cooking school in Italy, and this recipe is taken from our coursebook, with my notes. I often give this recipe out, and yet I've not posted it here. Enjoy!

Tiramisu

300g ladyfingers
3 eggs, separated
400g mascarpone
4 tbsp of sugar
1 cup coffee
3-5 tbsp cup brandy, rum, or kahlua
unsweetened cocoa

Beat the eggs yolks with the sugar, then add the marscapone, mixing perfectly to form a cream. Flavour the cream with 2-3 tbsp of liquor. Beat the egg whites until they form stiff peaks and fold into the cream, mixing gently from the bottom to the top. Pour the coffee into a wide, deep dish and as much sugar as you like as well as 1-2 tbsp liquor. Dip the ladyfingers one at a time in the coffee mixture (coating on both sides of about 20-30 seconds on each side) and place a layer of these in a dish (such as a loaf pan or square cake pan). Spread half of the cream mixture over them and level the surface. Continue making layers in this way, finishing with a layer of cream; you should end up with 2-3 layers of ladyfingers depending on the dish you use. Place dish in the fridge for at least 2 hours (preferably 6 in my experience). Just before serving, cover the top with a thick layer of unsweetened cocoa, using a fine sieved strainer.

(From a FB meme) Not necessarily in order of importance...

1. The Brothers Karamazov, Fyodor Dosteovsky. This was the book that during my vaguely agnostic period (senior year, HS) convinced me that I did indeed believe in God. It's also one of the best books ever written, with incredible characters. All three brothers vastly differ from one another, and yet I found myself identifying with each.

2. Gone With The Wind, Margaret Mitchell. I've read this more than any other book - nearing 50 times, and I've been reading it since I was very young, so it's been fascinating to see how my perspective of the text has changed with time. I know that this has shaped the way I view romance, fundamentally. And the ending never fails to make me sob for hours.

3. Dialogues on Reality, by Robert Powell. Powell is a sort of Buddhist philosopher, and this book was so dense it took me months to read - unheard of. It caused me to examine many things I had never really considered in much depth, and with nearly every bit I read, I felt the truth of his words resonating through me. I'm still a long ways off from his level of enlightenment, but this book gave me a huge boost.

4. The Last Vampire, Christopher Pike. This is my favourite 'easy reading' book, and this is actually a series, all of which is incredible, although the first book is the best. Pike is my favourite author because everything he writes is fucking fantastic. I also love vampires, the paranormal generally, and SF/F, all of which Pike touches on in his books. Alisa/Sita, the 'last vampire' protagonist, is exactly as vampires should be down to minute details. I also love the other characters, the plot, and the spirituality and questioning of 'deep' concepts (do I deserve to exist? why do I exist? why is there evil in the world? etc) throughout. This is everything a book should be, while still being simple and easy to read.

5. Child of the Morning, Pauline Gedge. This is a partially fictionalised (but heavily researched, so it's not too wildly elaborated) account of Hatshepsut, the only female pharoah, and her life. It spans decades and has the same epic feel as GWTW. Her story is an incredible one, and her character (as portrayed by Gedge) is one with which I identify very, very strongly. I also am an Egyptophile.

6. The Joy of Cooking, various authors. I've used numerous editions of this essential guide since I could read. My copies fall open to well-loved recipes. It's not perfect, but it has nearly everything, and pre-internet it was absolutely invaluable. There's also a lot of useful info about ingredients and techniques. A classic and must-have for all who cook.

( Read more... )

Cross-posted from initial wine.woot forum post, my horrible experience today trying to figure out why Yashka is so LOUD and won't play WoW:

Soooooooooo annoyed. So I went over to my Apple Store diagnostic appointment, which involved lugging my 70+ lb computer to my car (which is sort of down a rocky little hill from my house), then about, oh 600 meters (!!!) to the fucking Apple Store, which does not have an entrance near the frickin' parking lot.

I got inside. It was a ZOO. Some people helped me, including one Apple employee who basically MANHANDLED poor Yashka (who, btw, is straight and did not appreciate this cross-gender fondling) and flipped him around and such. I waited a little bit and chatted to some nice Mac users next to me.

Then it was my turn. An incredibly condescending asshole told me that since the Raleigh store is opening soon, they will be closing the Durham store for 2 weeks for remodeling, and so cannot perform diagnostics (which take 8-10 hours?! what the fuck) because if repairs are needed the computers can't be kept on site during the remodel. So he referred me to a generic repair store or in a few days the Raleigh store which is totally out of my way.

I complained that I'd called LAST NIGHT right before closing and they had not told me any of this, and I was EXTREMELY annoyed that I had hurt my back/fingers and jounced around poor Yashka in my car all for nothing. I tried to wheedle some sort of a diagnosis out of them, but no go. After explaining my issues, condescending asshole agreed it sounded like a heat problem or some thermal sensor issue, and I tried to get him to at least turn it on and see if anything immediate leapt out as the culprit - and he told me, "This is a very complicated machine. It's really a pro machine."

GEE, I HAD NO IDEA! Go fuck yourself and die in a fire, you jealous snooty bitch in your hideous orange shirt. How dare you imply I don't deserve/need a pro machine. How dare you imply I don't know what I'm talking about; I've been on Macs for nearly 20 years which is statistically likely longer than you, fucker. Also, I was crying by this point because problematic electronics stress me out more than anything on the planet.

Thanks to a kind wooter with better google-fu than I, a solution has emerged; I just ordered a (discontinued, OF COURSE) fan for my video card, which at this point, I've concluded is the problem - namely it overheating/having a horribly noisy and inefficient stock fan. According to others with my issues, this insane-looking fan is virtually silent and vastly improves video card function. So as soon as it gets here (from Canada, gah), I'll swap it out. Light, at end of tunnel, I see you!

Poll #1373312
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Do you play WoW (currently)?

If you play, what server are you on?

In case I check it out; it'd be nice to know what server most of you use. I'm not hopeful I'll like it, but who knows. Regardless, I feel I should at least give it a proper try.

Have any of you gone? Would I like it, do you think? If I do go - what should I make sure I have read/seen/done by then so as not to be such a hopeless SF/F newbie? Will I be horribly spoiled for all sorts of things? What does one do all day?

The only conventions I've gone to have been MacWorld and Mind States, and when I was younger, a sort of hippie home schooling one.

There are textual and conceptual snippets that have been sitting around in my Stickies, waiting to be immortalised on my LJ, but without any compelling reason for posting. Thus I present these various tidbits of joy/amusement/narcissism for your reading (dis)pleasure:

-Jared Padalecki and I differ by one IQ point. Clearly, we are meant to be together. Mmmmhmm. Also, I trust that FB ads regarding celebrity IQs are absolutely accurate.

-Oh, TiVo. Sometimes I wonder about your 'suggestions'. Recently, you recorded a documentary entitled Hypersexual Behaviour. This was not the first of its ilk. There was also the lovely Crystal Meth Epidemic program a few weeks ago. What are you trying to say, TiVo?

-From Judy Blume's Wifey: "douching with vinegar" = "cunt vinaigrette." HA! Not that routine douching is wise, but if you must douche, vinegar is a good choice and cunt vinaigrette is an *excellent* term.

-"It's hot watching you paw around a retard like a cat with a barely conscious rodent." - Joseph Massey, aka rootedfool, commenting on my virtual ass-kicking.

-"I don't masturbate to pictures or thoughts. It's Mr. Faucet and I and the mindless void of mechanical necessity." - myself, in a Yelp discussion thread about masturbation

I've been trying to review - even if only cursorily - all the books I read, since I read so much and it's a good practise. My latest attempt, free of spoilers, follows. But first, two very excellent & hilarious quotes from the book itself:

"It was hard for a man to seem like an overbearing jackass with a mewling ball of fur hanging off his knee."

"His deuling pistol sprang free, hard, hot, primed and cocked."

This is one of the best historical romance I've read in years. It's also the first book I've read in months that I simply couldn't put down; I read it straight through late into the night. The writing, dialogue and setting are all nearly flawless, and I loved the Hero and Heroine, though secondary characters could have been better developed. Much, if not most, of the book reads from Bentley's (the hero's) perspective, which I greatly enjoyed and made for some exceedingly hot sex scenes. At this point I'm a bit 'burnt out' on romance as a genre; most sexy writing doesn't have much of an effect. I imagine this is similar to porn burn out for men. This book has both enough sex - but not too much - and it actually succeeds in its purpose.

( Read more... )

My little gleeful (and not-so-gleeful) notes from the 3-11 and 3-12 episodes. On the latter, J! decided a certain response was okay when IT IS NOT and I became enraged.

( Spoilers )

*seethes*

My first thought as I watched a TiVo'ed ep of Jeopardy! A few seconds later, it became clear why - it's the celebrity version. Truly though, most contestants are unattractive. I am always saddened by how infrequently beauty and intelligence occur in the same person. This is not to imply that all J! contestants are intelligent; sadly not even that is true.

Is is just me, or is the celebrity version also RIDICULOUSLY easy? Do they dumb it down? I wanted to throw my remote at the screen when TWICE contestants got this one wrong (from March 10th episode):

( Read more... )

Oh, and from a few weeks ago, there was a final jeopardy that no one got which really annoyed me. No one got Linnaeus, and he was the only logical choice, since it said some N. European scientist along with some other obvious clues. Everyone put Mendel. UM, NOT N. EUROPE. These very obvious fuck ups make me so mad!

I find these very amusing, and I seem to notice them all the time these days. More than I did up in MA, to be sure. I try to keep track, so here they are.

DC plates:

LOUX 1 (on motorcycle)
AUSSIE
BLU DVL

VA plates:

SHAKORA
1WEAVE (related to Shakora, maybe?)
RIP LOWL
GRA-MOOD
WOLFIII
IRN HALK
JPN 1606 (probably not a vanity plate but my initials and 6 is my favourite number)
HGHLAND
PRVBS 8
NOLOAN (on a minivan)

NC plates:

DRTIHRI (eww)
COTTUN (related to 1Weave?)
IANNOYU (my favourite)
TLCASAP
FATBOYBP
ZINGBOOM (on an unusual Mazda sports car)
LIG! (you can have exclamation points?)

I had a vanity plate on my first car, but I'm too ashamed to admit it.

I posted this lengthy story in response to a question over on the forums of my favourite online serial novel, and then realised I've never fully explained why or how I became Jewish here. There may be a bit of overlap with history I've recounted before, but I think I keep that part brief.

( I *tried* to make this brief, really! )

Since it seems the majority of my friends saw it before I did yesterday, I had a fair bit of feedback going into the theatre, and my overall expectations were quite high as a result. Unfortunately, the film fell short of these. I wouldn't recommend paying full price to see it, personally - I think only very good (or otherwise entertaining) and/or visually impressive films are worth $10+.

My major issue was one of pacing; Watchmen moved much more slowly than I expect of an action film. That's not to say a comic-turned-film needs to be all about the action, literally - Iron Man, the best in this genre IMO, has many non-fight scenes and not one of them moves at the sluggish pace so much of Watchmen did. In general, I don't enjoy what I consider 'contemplative' pacing in film; if I want to contemplate, I'll go to an art museum. Very rarely, some filmmakers can pull it off - Eyes Wide Shut comes to mind - but I've never seen that style work in action films. They should be fast-paced and succinctly edited, not drawn out and slow-mo-GEE LOOK AT THIS THEME FOR MINUTES ON END!

Visually, I was also rather underwhelmed - and I do expect this style of film to be visually impressive if not stunning. I wouldn't have guessed that the director of 300 (which I loved) was behind this. Fight scenes were solid, there were enough attractive people, and certain scenes WERE well done, but I didn't leave the theatre thinking how glad I was to have seen it on the big screen. One thing that was nice about the theatre-experience was the particular audience - very active, with laughter and other appropriate responses to certain moments in film. There was also cheering for the Star Trek, Terminator, and Wolverine previews - the last one garnering a holler from me, too.

( Spoilers )

VoicePost 164K 0:51

“Ok. So this is just a quick question, and there are spoilers for Watchmen. So if you've not Watchmen yet, stop listening now. Alright? Spoilers, spoilers, spoilers! I had a question regarding something which happened - namely when Dan and Miss Jupiter or Laurie or whatever are having sex on the couch and he's like, "Oh, hold on. I need a few minutes." Is that because he came prematurely or because he couldn't get it up? Because Wendi and I were arguing about this after we saw it, and she thinks it's because he couldn't get up and I think it's because he came prematurely. So anyone might know the details of the comic, please chime in and respond. Thank you.” Transcribed by: multiple users

Thanks for the damn-near-perfect transcription, beatificdreams!

My favourite contemporary poet, rootedfool aka Joseph Massey, will be reading on March 6th at Studio One in Oakland with Jared Stanley & Donna de la Perriere - at 7 pm. He tells me also that he will mostly like have copies of his first full-length collection, Areas of Fog, available for sale and trade. More details about the reading here.

Joe doesn't read very often, so this is a fabulous opportunity. Not only does he write amazing short & powerful poetry, but he's an entertainer. Hearing him read is not just thrilling, it's exciting and often hilarious, in the best possible way. I know many of you are not far from Oakland, so don't miss this chance. I'd be there if I could (and if you do go and can tape or vid the reading, I'd be very grateful), but alas the continent separates me from my beloved Joe.

Rock it as I know you will, my friend. *prayers and good wishes and white light*